Click on any “Read More” button below to access the full review. Use the Search box or Explore tag cloud on the Home page to hunt down exactly what you’re looking for. Check out my Review FAQ for links to posts that give insight into my body and how I use these toys, why I do or don’t like them, what I like to use most, etc.

Toy Review – The Adam Super Soft by Tantus

Listen up people, I’ve got somethin’ to say!     I fucking love this dildo. Oh. My. Jesus. It’s so good.   Not words you’re used to seeing from me, right? Well I’m just as surprised as you are.   While I absolutely love them as a company that makes ethical, body-safe toys and, especially […]

Toy Review – The Crescendo by MysteryVibe

God I hate this toy. I hate this toy more because it was actually not a terrible idea but the reality of it falls so short, it can only build a deep resentment for its horrible failure. MysteryVibe supposedly took a very long time in releasing this toy due to changes made from reviewer feedback, […]

Toy Review – The Ditto by We-Vibe

I never saw myself putting something more unpleasant into my butt than that one Tantus plug I bought when I was 19 and knew nothing about butts, but I was sorely mistaken.     Hah. See what I did there. Sorely. Butts. YA GET IT? Oh, you will…   I’m not even certain how you […]

Toy Review – Womanizer Pro40

  Oh Womanizer. I definitely don’t love you, I kind of want to hate you – truthfully, I don’t know what I feel about you.   Despite knowing they were huge unapologetic rip-offs, I really wanted to be able to recommend the Satisfyer line of toys because of the wider range of shapes and the […]

Toy Review – The Don by Doxy

  The Doxy Don (formerly the Skittle)…a review that has been a long time coming. Just prior to last year’s Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit, Doxy put out a call on Twitter to any bloggers who would be interested in reviewing for them. I’d already reviewed their original wand, but this new prostate/G-spot toy was also […]

Toy Review – The Laya II by Fun Factory

I wanted to like this toy so much, I really did. I thought I was going to finally write a really nice happy review. I’m one of those people who actually does really like to masturbate or get fucked face-down into the mattress, and it’s sort of hard and awkward to work something like a […]

Toy Review – Satisfyer 1, 2, Pro 2, Pro Penguin, Pro Deluxe

This isn’t going to follow my typical review style, no, this time you’re going to hear a story, an emotional rollercoaster from start to finish, because it’s the only way I can give you all the info you need to understand why I’m going to tell you to not buy anything from the company Satisfyer.  […]

Toy Review – The Rave by We-Vibe

  Oh the Rave, how excited I was, how disappointed I actually am. Unfortunately, my review of the Rave is actually more of a rant.   I got ahold of the We-Vibe Rave after having discovered that G-spot vibration is actually quite nice if I do it right, and I was super hopeful that the […]

Toy Review – The Tantus Rumble

As someone who has been a fan of Tantus before even starting my blog, you could say I was over the moon in April (2016) when I heard that they were making their own vibrator – and a wand no less! As I saw more and more of the ads and newsletters being distributed prior […]

Toy Review – The We-Vibe Touch

  If you’re looking at purchasing a clitoral vibrator from We-Vibe, like many readers before you, you will probably find yourself wondering “Touch, or Tango?” The reason being that they share the same motor, they’re both waterproof, they’re both very quiet, they’re both quite small – the only real difference is in the shape and […]

Toy Review – Remoji Diver By PicoBong

I was worried when I received the Diver app-controlled vibrating egg from PicoBong’s Remoji line. PicoBong is owned by Lelo – something I had momentarily forgotten when I requested the toy from Shevibe – and I was briefly afraid that I’d have to say something nice about Lelo after previously stating that I would not […]

Mini Review Round-up

Below you’ll find a list of toys that I’m just probably not going to ever get around to writing a full 4000-word review for, but I occasionally reference them in other reviews and they’re listed in my Nightstand so I wanted to at least say something about them. If you have any further questions feel […]

Toy Review – The Doxy Wand Massager

I’m about to share what might be the most unpopular opinion in the sex toy reviewer realm. I’ve had this toy since October and I’ve been anxious to speak about it, but I have to break my silence, I gotta take the plunge, I need to say what’s in my heart, reluctance and shame be damned.  But I already […]

Toy Review – The Shockspot

The second sex machine in my arsenal of toys is The Shockspot Fucking Machine.  The Shockspot is about 15-23 pounds and when completely broken down can measure at 6x6x19 inches, but unless you’re trying to fly with this thing it’s not very big at all when left completely assembled, and slides under the bed quite easily. It […]

Toy Review – Vesper by Crave

So, during the republican debate, Crave offered a sale that I moronically jumped on, and here I am as the new owner of the Vesper necklace vibrator. To be clear, I’m calling myself a moron not over anything to do with the vibrator or Crave, but because I didn’t consider the currency exchange, international shipping, and duties when […]

Toy Review – kGoal by M!nnaLife

This delightful little thing, is called the kGoal. Get it? like Kegel…because it’s a kegel exerciser? Anyway.. First of all, I hesitate to call this a “toy” review, because the kGoal is not a sex toy per se. It vibrates, it’s a sexual aid perhaps in that it’s supposed to help you strengthen your pelvic muscles which has all […]

Toy Review – Icicles No.24 by Pipedream

This is the easiest and shortest review I’ll probably ever give. Should this dildo even exist? No.  Okay fine, my vagina doesn’t speak for all vaginas, I shouldn’t assume you’ll hate something as much as I do. Fine. Fine….fine. I’ll tell you about it.     This is the Pipedream Icicles No. 24 I’d link to them but […]

Toy Review – The Eroscillator

Sorry for the two week sabbatical, I was out of town and failed to queue up some posts. I wanted to do a 100% positive review to make up for it, but it turns out I just don’t have another toy besides the Mustang that I feel 100% positive about – womp womp. I come […]

Toy Review – Vixskin Mustang by Vixen Creations

I’m going to tell you a story about something I love. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVEEEEEEEE It is with extreme rarity that I say that, just FYI. This week’s sex toy is the Mustang, by Vixen Creations. I’m gonna give a plug for Shevibe here as well, since that’s where mine came from. The box is NOT lying (about it being worth every inch). And […]

Toy Review – The Sybian

Folks…what you see before you is the Sybian. We’ve all heard of it, we’ve heard of its magic, its wonder, its incredibleness. Well, I have one.   And I hate it. Now, of course, this thing is amazing, it’s made dozens and dozens of people I know cum their brains out, it’s reduced other people to drooling stupefied piles of goo, […]

Toy Review – The Ora2 by Lelo

Typically when I start to think about a review I like to map out a list of things I definitely want to talk about, a pros and cons if you will. Well, for those who don’t like my multi-paragraph walls of text about these things, here you go, the TL;dr version   You know it’s […]

Toy Review – The Hitachi Magic Wand Rechargeable by Vibratex

So, I had a review in the queue for something else today but I’ve decided to bump it to next week in favor of something I picked up earlier this week. Shout out to Come As You Are for always being there when I need a sex toy on a whim. I want to talk about the […]

Toy Review – Feeldoe Classic by Tantus

My first review was a fairly glowing one, so I’m gonna switch it up and tell you about a toy I…don’t like. At all. Weird, huh? I want to talk about the Feeldoe. Please disregard the towel lint as I had just washed and dried this. Feeldoes (and realdoes) are supposed to be the strapless strap-on. […]

Toy Review – Cush O2 by Tantus

Long time listener, first time caller…I’m addicted to sex toys.  You know, some people collect stamps, others collect baseball cards, me? Dildos. It’s basically the same thing.  So lets begin. I think first impressions are important, so I picked one of my bigass dicks to start off with. Meet Cush O2 from Tantus Cush is one of the prettiest dildos I own. Looks […]