Toy Review – The Shockspot
The second sex machine in my arsenal of toys is The Shockspot Fucking Machine.
The Shockspot is about 15-23 pounds and when completely broken down can measure at 6x6x19 inches, but unless you’re trying to fly with this thing it’s not very big at all when left completely assembled, and slides under the bed quite easily. It comes in three different models – 8 inches, 12 inches, and a double penetrator. I own the 12 inch.
It comes in pieces so initial assembly of the legs and body is required. Included are the allan key tool and power cables. The rest you see is optional. The two items across the bottom of the image above are the dildo adapters (also available are fleshlight adapters), and the two items on the right side are the remote box and start/stop button control.
So, first I want to talk about one of the two ways you can use the Shockspot, which is to hook it up to your computer. Unfortunately, this is not a way that I have gotten to use it, because the software is for a Windows PC and I own a Mac. Perhaps one day I’ll install it on my windows netbook, but for now it goes unutuilized by me. I can still explain it to you though.
You would of course go through the process of installing all the software on your machine and getting that set up properly. When you do that, the Shockspot program allows you to do some pretty cool things.
First, you have the ability to build a number of settings programs and save them, so you can choose between different ones without having to make all the adjustments manually each time you want to use the machine. If you want a slow deep fuck, you’ve got it already programmed in, just select and lie back. If you’re feeling like a faster experience, you have that programmed in too. You can set up several different programs and adjust the length of time you want each one to run, so you could experience the settings of the first program for 5 minutes, then have it change up and do something else for another 15 minutes, then change again, and again, etc, all without you needing to do anything at all.
When utilizing this option, you would connect the hand-held remote start/stop button and plug the machine into your computer with the USB cable.
You would select all the settings you wish to use, and tell the program to “go”. The machine would still be turned off, you’d be able to leave your computer and go get into position, and press the button when you were ready. When you want to stop, you’d press the button again and it would turn the machine back off.
The second and greatest feature of this set up is that you can put the program online. When connected to the internet, you can generate log-ins for someone else, and they can control the machine remotely from virtually anywhere. If you’re someone in a long-distance relationship, or a cam-model, remote sex toy tech is a lot of fun. The person on the other end gets to play with all the dials same as you, and when you’re ready to start/stop, again, you just push the remote button.
If your internet partner owns a fleshlight and you purchase the fleshlight Vstroker adapter, the movements of their fleshlight can be sent through the internet to the machines connection, and the machine will thrust in time with the fleshlight’s movements.
Cool, huh? Yeah…I don’t get to use it. Sad face.
So if you’re like me and own a non-windows machine, or you just don’t really want your fucking machine plugged into your computer, you’d be using the big remote box that looks like this
Depth: Space from the machine the arm with the attachment on it will extend in a thrust, and depending on which model you choose, it can thrust between 8 and 12 inches. This dial controls how far from the machine that arm extends and then retracts. If you dont want the machine to be all up in your business, you can extend the depth to its maximum setting, which is what I typically do, and then wiggle myself onto the attachment at the max depth I’m comfortable with having it inside me at, and then I’ll turn the machine on.
Max Stroke: This controls how long each thrust is, which is different from the measurment the attachment will thrust from the machine. For example, from where you’re positioned in relation to the machine, the attachment might thrust a total depth of 4 inches inside you, but if you turn the Stroke dial down, you’ll have short thrusts at 4 inches deep, if you turn it up, you’ll have 4 inch deep longer thrusts.
These are a little hard to figure out and you may experience accidental cervix bashing (if you have a vagina) or a dildo thrusting at you and not entering you, which also hurts, so, again, my method is to extend the arm all the way with the depth dial, and then scoot myself onto the toy to where I’m comfortable, and from there instead of playing with the depth dial I just adjust the stroke length. If I want to back off the depth I can little bit by little bit, making sure not to turn it too far and lose the toy, and if I want to go deeper, again, little bit by little bit. Usually I dont touch that dial at all though.
The only difference between the settings on this remote and the ones on the computer software, is that this one is missing a “max depth” setting. On the computer software the person on the end of the machine sets their maximum allowed depth, and if someone is controlling the other settings remotely, they cannot make the machine thrust past that point. Which is a really good fucking idea unless you want to get your insides all bashed up by someone who’s bad at understanding depth of orifices. With the remote box either you personally are controlling the depth so you should be able to tell when it’s becoming too much, or you’ll ideally be able to tell your partner not to touch that dial.
Speed: As you’d imagine controls how fast the machine is thrusting.
Smoothness: Controls the joltiness of the thrusts. A smoother thrust wont be able to go quite as fast, and there is a noticeable difference in how the dildo feels recoiling, than if you turn the smoothness down and have quick “hard” jolty thrusts.
When it comes to the way the speed and smoothness interact, I have some issues. I generally prefer the smoothest thrust, and when you kick the speed up it can cause this weird hiccup-like delay every couple of thrusts, the machine just can’t seem to handle it quite right. I don’t like having to sacrifice a smooth thrust, and I don’t normally select a very high speed, but on occasion this is a problem I run into and I really wish it weren’t an issue.
There is another machine on the market that thrusts in an entirely different way. Once upon a time the people at Kink took a kitchenaid mixer, fiddled with the attachments, put a dildo on a stick and attached it to a new gear, and each horizontal circle the mixer made, it turned the new gear which translated into the dildo on a stick making a full thrust. Now imagine that huge mechanism shrunk down, and you’ve got a good picture of how the other machine I’m talking about operates. In this machine, smoothness of thrust is not an issue because its a gear making a rotation, not a hydraulic pump, you just control the speed at which that rotation happens. If you LIKE jolty thrusts, the Shockspot is your jam, but me? I sometimes wonder if we should have tried the other machine…
Anyway, once you’ve figured out how you want to control it, you’ll want to get it into position.
There are three levers you can use to adjust the way the machine is set up. (two on the top of the picture and a third you can’t really see on the bottom)
Here’s another bit of contention between me and the Shockspot. The website FAQ says that you can use the machine in “any desired position” but that is simply not true.
But not my bed? My bed is not some weird height, there’s no giant boxspring or pillowtop. The shockspot in this configuration only reaches a height of 25 inches. I also need to be right on the edge of the furniture, because if I lean the arm out to reach further over the couch (since it would never work on the bed), it gets shorter and I get the same issue I have with the bed…it’s just not tall enough. The only way I can use the Shockspot in my bedroom is if I’m bent over the edge of the bed (which isn’t a great solution because my bed is actually too short for that, and I am NOT a tall person).
Shockspot is short, and it makes me frustrated.
I can, however, use it in a few other positions. Like standing.
Or if I wanted to pad the base with a pillow, I could contort myself into some weird position underneath it, but not completely underneath it because this is as far upright as the arms can go, due to the cord connecting the back of the machine to the power box.
And of course if you’re going to use it on very low furniture or on the floor, it works fine.
With the fact that it doesn’t fit my most important piece of sex furniture – my bed – I can’t imagine being a particularly tall person and using this machine comfortably, you’d have to build something to sit it on and then you’re risking the machine getting knocked over and breaking. A lot, if not maybe all the machines on the market right now run into this problem though, so I guess I can’t hold it against them. Let’s just be honest about the number of positions you can use this thing in : NOT all of them
You have two options for the dildo-type attachments you can use, and neither of these come included so you have to select them at check-out.
I purchased two Doc Johnson Vac-u-lock dildos to use, but I haven’t. Both of the ones I bought were way too big for me (and none of the smaller shapes appealed to me or they were made of toxic materials like the jelly dildo I was sent with the machine), so this attachment doesn’t get used. If you were to use it though, you’d put vac-u-lock powder (or talc, corn starch, etc) inside the hole in the bottom of the dildo so the attachment won’t get stuck, then you’d insert the metal bit into the dildo and screw it onto the end of the Shockspot.
Since there aren’t any Vac-ulock dildos that I actually like, I stick to the other attachment, which is shown having a dildo strapped into it above. I tend to choose some sort of criss-cross wrapping technique of the velcro straps. The problems with this attachment are cleaning can be a bit of a pain, and it doesn’t hold the dildo perfectly secure. I dont like to buy dildos with balls on them, so I can’t speak to how dildos of those shapes would actually work on this attachment. I can say that the two I do own that have balls…don’t fit well. Rather large dildos probably also don’t fit.
Both of these attachments have the same issue, though its more easily corrected with the vac-u-lock bit. You’ll almost never get your dildo screwed onto the machine facing the right direction (if it has a direction), a little more maneuvering is required. You could leave the attachment screwed into the machine from the start, but that makes it harder to strap the dildo in.
After that, you’re ready to go.
So, what are my overall thoughts on the Shockspot?
It’s not bad. It’s a hell of a step up from some of the cheap briefcase-like machines and “saws-all”s, it has a pretty decent range of controls, it’s easy to set up and break down, it’s quiet (ish. There’s a bit of a ultra-high-pitch squeak from the thruster, but it’s a noise you’d expect out of a machine like that) and it delivers. Boy does it deliver. Outfitted with a high-quality dildo (like my favorite, the Vixen Mustang) it can be extremely pleasurable. I love using it, alone and with a partner. I like that it fits flat under the bed instead of being some huge cumbersome impossible to hide hunk of metal. I love the concept of connecting it to the internet. I don’t regret buying this toy.
BUT, as I mentioned above, I do have some complaints and I do wish I’d had some sort of way to check out this machine and a few others side-by-side before dropping a few thousand dollars on it. Yes, that’s right, $2100.00
I also want to note something from the Shockspot FAQ section of their website.
It says “The system is an “In-Out” machine as well as a “Vibrating” machine that is completely programmable through the ShockSpot Touch and Feel software.”
Now, unless there’s something that changed to make it completely different in how it operates between our purchase a year ago and now, there is no vibration in this machine. None. I have no idea where they are getting the idea that there is, I seriously hope they’re not considering the smoothness control to generate some type of vibration because wow does that not count.
**It’s possible that other toy manufacturers’s dildos with holes in the bottom for the purpose of vibrating bullets or suction cups will fit the Vac-u-lock adapter but I have not personally tried. I hear that Tantus’s dildos with the holes in the bottom will be compatible, but it’s worth checking with them before trying and getting your dildo stuck. One day I’ll own one of their dildos and try it myself.