Toy Review – Feeldoe Classic by Tantus
My first review was a fairly glowing one, so I’m gonna switch it up and tell you about a toy I…don’t like. At all. Weird, huh?
Please disregard the towel lint as I had just washed and dried this.
Feeldoes (and realdoes) are supposed to be the strapless strap-on. I think that just sort of makes it an On. Except it goes in you, so its an In. Anyway, it’s an interesting mix of double-ended dildo and strap-on play, and let me tell you I really wanted to like it. I was very excited when we first bought this a few years ago and couldn’t wait to get to home and try it out. I’m pretty sure I unboxed it in the car.
Lets look at the size of this thing.
They come in different sizes, this one is “The Classic” (they start measuring from a different point than I did, I’m trying to show what I would consider to be the actual “useable” length rather than adding inches that aren’t inside anybody when you use it). The circumference of the bulb that the wearer inserts, as well as the shaft is about 5″
Sadly I couldn’t find any household objects that had a 5″ circumference to compare to. I’m sorry please forgive me.
Additionally, this thing weighs about .84 pounds. It is not light.
The whole toy is a firm silicone.
What does this mean for the wearer?
Well, in the beginning I found the “pony”, as they call it (why? I don’t know) difficult to insert. 5 inches is not something that I can just pop in and out of my vagina like it’s no big deal. Add lube? Sure, but then we hit another problem.
The large size doesn’t necessarily mean things are stuck in place once the action starts happening, especially if you’ve lubed it up. The act of thrusting causes our muscles to flex in lots of funny ways. Your buttcheeks probably clench, your abs start working, your feet might even flex. Your insides are going to get a workout too, and they just might push whatever is inside of you, out of you.
Alongside what your own body is doing, you have to consider what your partner’s body is doing. If you’re not using enough lube, instead of you pulling the toy out of them the friction could pull the toy out of you. If they’re trying out a fancy acrobatic position that tightens up the vaginal/anal canal, that could pull the toy out of you. Considering how heavy the toy is on its own it’s not that hard to fathom the thing falling or being pulled/pushed out even if you’re not moving.
More than that, the overall design is just…faulty, and this is my biggest gripe. Hear me out.
The opening to your vagina is situated under your center of gravity, between your legs, so the shaft of the Feeldoe is protruding from your body low, from between your thighs. I want you to take a moment and try to thrust with your thighs. A penis on the other hand protrudes out from the front of the body, ontop the pubic mound, which is also usually where people using a traditional strap-on harness will situate their dildo. You thrust with your hips. Sure, the shaft of the toy slopes up, but the base (and the weight of this toy) is still between your legs. Personally I cannot thrust with and control something that weighs almost a pound with my inner thighs. I thrust with my hips.
The joint where the “pony” connects with the “saddle” (the fat middle piece) is also flexible. Seems great in theory, but actually means that if your partner wants to be in a complicated position, you have no control of the toy and as I said earlier, if this is creating a lot of drag with your thrusts you may lose the toy all together.
Sadly, I was too frustrated with the toy to spend hours and hours and possibly more hours trying to get the hang of it (while not pleasing my partner), so I took the toy out and used it manually, and I’ve never tried to use it a second time. I know one-time-use a thorough review does not make, but I seriously just cannot be bothered here. Even an extremely cheap briefs-style strap-on harness gave me better results than the Feeldoe ever could. I just can’t bring myself to blindly recommend it, unless you’ve got ~$100 to potentially throw away if you don’t like it.
My model also included a bullet vibe that goes in the back of the saddle. Neither of us could really feel it, like at all.
So thats what I think, the Feeldoe is heavy, poorly positioned, and overall unwieldily. I’ve looked at other designs like it in the hopes that someone has created something easier to use (or at least lighter) but so far no dice. I’m open to suggestions!